I have a dear friend/family member that I love dearly, yet she shoulds all over herself for the things in life that haven’t gone “according to plan” or she has just been disappointed by life’s outcomes. Even something as simple as the “perfect” dress didn’t come in her size. I’ve been secretly hoping that with time/age, she would move past this latch of control to life but alas she has not.
So what’s a good friend to tell her loved one (besides the obvious of the title of this post)?
Well, let me paint you a picture what we can do in our minds:
Think of your life as a river and you are the in a canoe going on your journey. Enjoying and observing the beautiful things that are around you like the trees, animals, fish, the warmth of the sun and sweet smell of the flowers, etc. Soak everything in yet stay in your canoe. Others, will see something that we like, like a flower, and want to pick it and keep it. Then, we see something else that we want to bring with us on our journey. Next, the current of the water is not going at the speed that we like so we build a dam. Some will build a dam for control and others in order to stay where they are. Finally, our sensory system is on overload and we like what we are feeling. We become attached to it or can even end up using this “certain something” as a crutch because that is all we know. This can even be subconscious because we have our own past stuff (all the items we have put in our canoes) that we need to “deal” with at a certain but that time isn’t upon so we don’t think about it now. THEN, the dam breaks and the river overflows and we are flipped over out of our canoe; left to wonder “what happened?” and “how did that happen?”
Don’t create a barricade because you “don’t have time” to sit with yourSELF to keep your monkey mind in check. This is the discipline of staying in your canoe and not reaching for everything to pull in. The more selective we are for what we choose to bring with us in life will keep our journey light so we can flow with our current. If you sit/stand with what those emotions, you will finally understand what they are trying to teach you so you don’t go overboard later in life. I know it sounds odd, yet if your feeling frustrated…..SIT WITH IT!! Why are you feeling like that? And what really can you do about it? It’s a feeling or thought. Understand it so you in turn, you can understand YOU. So from that point onwards, you can change how you response to a situation. You can even change YOU, in general, if that is a characteristic, quality or habit that is not serving you in a healthy manner. You can’t change the situation or how the universe will play out the course of events but you can focus on YOU, even when you don’t want to……so let go of the “should’a, would’a, coulda’s.” From that point can you overcome the emotion to be in control yet still feel without overt-hinking of getting overly emotional about a circumstance.
Don’t should all over yourself! Be nice (to yourself).