I have a dear friend/family member that I love dearly, yet she shoulds all over herself for the things in life that haven’t gone “according to plan” or she has just been disappointed by life’s outcomes. Even something as simple as the “perfect” dress didn’t come in her size. I’ve been secretly hoping that with time/age, she would move past this latch of control to life but alas she has not.
So what’s a good friend to tell her loved one (besides the obvious of the title of this post)?
Well, let me paint you a picture what we can do in our minds:
Think of your life as a river and you are the in a canoe going on your journey. Enjoying and observing the beautiful things that are around you like the trees, animals, fish, the warmth of the sun and sweet smell of the flowers, etc. Soak everything in yet stay in your canoe. Others, will see something that we like, like a flower, and want to pick it and keep it. Then, we see something else that we want to bring with us on our journey. Next, the current of the water is not going at the speed that we like so we build a dam. Some will build a dam for control and others in order to stay where they are. Finally, our sensory system is on overload and we like what we are feeling. We become attached to it or can even end up using this “certain something” as a crutch because that is all we know. This can even be subconscious because we have our own past stuff (all the items we have put in our canoes) that we need to “deal” with at a certain but that time isn’t upon so we don’t think about it now. THEN, the dam breaks and the river overflows and we are flipped over out of our canoe; left to wonder “what happened?” and “how did that happen?”
Don’t create a barricade because you “don’t have time” to sit with yourSELF to keep your monkey mind in check. This is the discipline of staying in your canoe and not reaching for everything to pull in. The more selective we are for what we choose to bring with us in life will keep our journey light so we can flow with our current. If you sit/stand with what those emotions, you will finally understand what they are trying to teach you so you don’t go overboard later in life. I know it sounds odd, yet if your feeling frustrated…..SIT WITH IT!! Why are you feeling like that? And what really can you do about it? It’s a feeling or thought. Understand it so you in turn, you can understand YOU. So from that point onwards, you can change how you response to a situation. You can even change YOU, in general, if that is a characteristic, quality or habit that is not serving you in a healthy manner. You can’t change the situation or how the universe will play out the course of events but you can focus on YOU, even when you don’t want to……so let go of the “should’a, would’a, coulda’s.” From that point can you overcome the emotion to be in control yet still feel without overt-hinking of getting overly emotional about a circumstance.
Don’t should all over yourself! Be nice (to yourself).
My biggest pattern is when my mind talks me out of things are that good for me yet I put my daily/professional/family/”adult” responsibilities before me. So when do when change our priorities and put ME before Thee? On the other hand, some people are “trained” to do the opposite meaning when do they put Thee before ME?
Like everything in life, it’s a balancing act and we can only be the judge of what works for us. Nevertheless, my yoga (Kundalini Yoga as taught by Yoga Bhajan) speaks of putting ME before anything else at least 1 hour a day. And if you are too busy for 1 hour, then you need 2 hours.
When you think about it, 60 minutes is not a ton of time to for yourself and it will go by quickly. I know you are thinking otherwise however, start with 20 or 30 minutes of undistributed attention for you to start and then build towards 60. Nothing comes overnight and if you try jamming your yogic practice into your day, you will hate it and believe your mind over what is possible. So it starts the day/night before to create the time/space for this habit into your day. We make time for everything else in our day including eating.
“We make everything in our lives important except learning about our Selves.” Yogi Bhajan
Even when we forget (if our day is that busy) yet, when do we feed our spirit? Is it because it’s not a physical entity that we it’s easier to put it to the side? just like ourselves…..since it’s not outside of us, we can’t pay attention to it….maybe that’s it?! So then my last question to ask……why do we have to see something to believe it instead of hear it through our intuition?
We have become socially conditioned to produce and be productive yet we have not trained ourSELVES to be heros for their own spirits. I’m not saying drop everything to go up to the Himilayas and meditate and live off of plants and berries, but I am saying when is the last time you bowed your head, sat back, took a breathe and forgave yourself for taking advantage of the very person/spirit that drives you? That’s all……sit with yourself and give that person just as much attention as you do for others.
Time is the only thing that you can not replenish like your bank account. So with that comes planning but moreso determining priorities. At the end of the day/morning/night, you will decide with your actions.
Thank you to my dear friend who reminds me to go on my FREE magic carpet ride.